Not All is Lost! {Guest Post on Marriage and Addiction}

20 October, 2013 by 5 Comments

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Today I have a guest post on dealing with addiction in the marriage relationship from Saint Jude Retreats. Hope you enjoy!

Not all is lost!

By Annie Kochneva (Saint Jude Retreats)

When thinking about marriage, more often than not, people would first recall the beginning stages of how their family came to be. The proposal, the excitement, the wedding preparation, the vows, the respect and appreciation, the general care for the other person, their feelings and their well-being, the pure love that started it all.  Everyone and anyone would like to think at that beginning stage that people, feelings and things stay the same and they can live in that frozen moment in time, when everything was well… just perfect.wedding

In reality, people, feelings and things change. Sometimes these changes are for the better- people build loving relationships, stronger marriages, unbreakable bonds, mutual respect and understanding.

Sometimes, things don’t work out quite that way. It is an uncomfortable topic for many to discuss, but it is vital to share it with as many people as possible, because realizing that we are not alone sometimes might make the difference between “to repair” or “ to break” a marriage. There are so many factors in a marriage that can affect it in a way to make it more challenging for the people who are trying to make it work; however, substance use, whether it is alcohol or drug or both, is one of the top reasons for divorce in our society.

The reason behind this is perhaps because it is one of the few reasons that affect not only the couple, but the whole family- children and relatives included. It is completely understandable that the stronger the feelings between the spouses prior the substance use, the bigger impact can such an external factor have on their relationship. When that is the case, it is that much harder, because the bigger the expectations are- the bigger the disappointment is at the end. To make things even worse, usually the extended family and friends not only do not support, but sometimes even discourage the spouse, who is not involved in substance use, to continue the relationship and rebuild the marriage. And the loss of support in such a moment can be crucial for some couples, making it a tipping point in the direction of a divorce.shadow couple

Therefore, it is vital for spouses to understand that there are alternatives and there are support channels to help rebuilding relationships that have been affected by substance use, but most of all, that there is hope. Many couples manage not only to rebuild their marriages but to actually make them stronger. No matter which side of the equation you are on- the substance user or the spouse, you can actively participate in the process of saving your marriage, instead of silently observing its ruin. How can you do this?

–        Talk the talk–

 In order to rebuild, you have to open up to each other first and that is valid for both sides. Let the other person know how you feel, share your fears and expectations and rebuild your trust.

–        Own up to it–

To be able to move on, you first have to admit to your choices, decisions and actions that affected your marriage or your partner in a negative way. Then, you have to accept the consequences that come with them. That applies for both partners.

–        Seek support–

Some couples manage to rebuild their lives together and avoid divorce on their own, so it is not impossible. However, there are many alcohol programs that can actively support you in that process and it will be that much easier to let them guide you through that process, there is no need to rediscover the wheel.

–        Put in the work-

After you talk the talk, this is the stage where you have to walk the walk. Nobody can do it for you, but many have done it before you.

And remember, nobody else can do it for you, but you can do it.

{Annie Kochneva is with St. Jude Retreats~ a non-12 step alternative program to conventional alcohol and drug rehab.}

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Filed Under: Guest Posts, Marriage Menders, Overcoming Addiction Tagged With: , , , , ,

The War on Drugs

3 February, 2013 by 189 Comments

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So much for Simple Saturdays, life has been anything but simple this week.

  • One of my closest friends learned that her mom committed suicide (pills) on the same day she learned she’s having a baby boy.
  • My short and oh-so-sassy 18-year-old daughter had her heart broken yesterday after attending a funeral for a boy her age who died of an accidental overdose.

Pills…pills…pills…are taking over our families! How have we come to this?  I remember seeing a video about the communist manifesto that discussed the best way to destroy America. From the inside-out. Look at the change in our values and laws over the last 50 years. Look at the infiltration of pornography on television and the internet. The availability of alcohol. The availability of drugs…prescriptions and the illegal ones. I can tell you if I know where to get marijuana, everyone does.

I didn’t know the boy who died of an overdose, but I don’t need to. All I need to know is that he was a son, brother, grandson, great-grandson, nephew, and friend. I pray that he also carried Jesus in his heart and is with him in Heaven right now. The alternative, though very real, is not one I like to think of.

Prescriptions drug overdoses are claiming more lives every day. People—often teenagers—taking them for recreational use have no idea what they can do to you. While their brain thinks it can handle the “high” dose, their lungs and heart cannot. In an instant, their life is over.

Parents are burying their children.

Friends are burying friends.

Brothers are burying brothers.

People who are addicted to prescription drugs as a result of medical reasons end up needing more and more to relieve their pain, withdrawals, or whatever the case may be. Again, their brain think the dose can is needed, but their  heart ceases to beat and their lungs cease to inhale.

Anyone abusing prescription pain medications—no matter what the reason—is fighting a battle in their mind. The classic battle between good and evil, Jesus and Satan. The battle being fought is both physical and spiritual To overcome addiction, I can tell you from experience physical assistance is just not enough. A divine intervention is needed.

A young girl, Ashley, who lost her battle to drugs wrote a poem describing life on drugs is like…the horror actually being offered to us when presented with the decision to use drugs. I took her poem, and added a “rebuttal,” if you will, to show the life than Jesus offers everyone. We must only accept.

Here’s the poem. Please read it slowly and share with anyone whom it might help. If you’d like to have a copy, you can upload a PDF version and print for free by clicking HERE.

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Filed Under: Freedom in Christ, Overcoming Addiction, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Addiction may be stalking closer than you think…

15 July, 2012 by 1 Comment


I wanted to share this poem again today. This poem has been a very popular blog post for me, and I didn’t know who wrote it until today. From what I’ve found, a 21-year old woman wrote it by the name of Ashley Van Davis who lost her life to crystal meth. It was found in the top drawer of her dresser after she died.

She may have written it about crystal meth, but it applies to any addictive substance. Once your brain is altered toward addiction in any way, the addiction takes over.

God created our brains to handle whatever comes our way. It’s so complex only our almighty God could have only created it! Here’s a diagram that shows the parts of the brain most closely related to handling our feelings, emotions…portions of our brain that processes everything that happens to us. To see a description of each part of the brain click here. Even if you don’t understand any of the medical language, it’s worth a glance just to be awed by God’s creation. 



Anytime we put anything in our body that affects the way our brain works, God’s perfect system is altered. Unfortunately, in our society today with preservatives in food, prescription drugs, and all the chemicals in our beauty products, our bodies are struggling to process chemicals all the time. We are fighting an uphill battle as it is, so anything we put in our body that affects our brain causes the system to be off kilter. And if any of those substances are addictive, Satan gets a powerful strongholdthat’s hard to beat—a stronghold that is illustrated so well by Ashley’s poem: 

PILLS
I can destroy homes and tear families apart,
Take away your children, and that’s just the start.
I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold;
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember, I’m easily found.
I live all around you, in schools and in town.
I live with the rich and I live with the poor.
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

My power is awesome. Try me, you’ll see.
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go.
But try me twice, and I’ll own your soul.

When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie.
You do what you have to just to get high.
The crimes you’ll commit, for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms.

You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and isolate them from friends.
I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I’ll be with you always, right by your side.

You’ll give up your family, your friends and your home,
You’ll lose all your money, and you’ll be alone.
I’ll take and take, till you have nothing to give.
When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned, this is no game.
If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane.
I’ll ravish your body; I’ll control your mind.
I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

Nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed.
Voices you’ll hear from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, and the visions you’ll see,
I want you to know, they’re all gifts from me.

When it’s too late, you’ll know in your heart,
You are all mine, and we shall not part.
You’ll regret that you tried me; they always do;
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen. Many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I’ll be your master; you’ll be my slave,
I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you’ve met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell.
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell…

Ashley lost her life to addiction. She wrote this poem from her heart. Share this anywhere you can to make others aware of what addiction can do. Addiction is happening all around us, but it’s not a subject that likes to be exposed. Social stigma, fear, and rejection are all reasons people hide addiction. For many, once addiction has hold of it’s prey, it’s impossible to break free. The best way to fight addiction is to educate people and arm them with the tools they need to never be trapped by an addiction in the first place. 

Don’t let it happen to you, your best friend, your neighbor, your daughter, or your son…because chances are it’s stalking closer than you think. 
From my heart, 
Celeste



Filed Under: Brain Functions, Overcoming Addiction Tagged With: , , , ,

Does our sin separate us from God?

30 August, 2011 by 1 Comment


Two years ago, I attended a “Women of Faith” conference, and was very intrigued by one of the speakers. Her name is Ashley Smith. A few years ago in Atlanta, she was instantly place in the spotlight as she was abducted and held hostage by Brian Nichols, a convicted killer. Her book, “Unlikely Angel: The Untold Story of the Atlanta Hostage Hero,” was an amazing account of every thought and action that took place during the seven hours she was held hostage.

I listened to her speak, and while she was very humble, her “miracle” was very fresh, and I wondered whether or not she could maintain a drug free life and uphold the promises she made to God that night.

In her book, she reveals she had tried and tried to become free of drugs, and she was reading and studying “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. While she had told God time and time again that she was done with drugs and ready to straighten her life out, she always kept a little stash “just in case.”


I think when we are in sin and are telling ourselves that we won’t do “whatever” again, and we still have that something on the back burner available if we need it, we are separating ourselves from God. I think of it as an invisible shield between God and me. In our head, we think we are doing the right thing. We talk ourselves into it…we justify. But at the same time, we know in our heart and in the back of our mind that we are keeping that sin on standby. 

Other than our prescription verse above, scripture also tells us when we justify our sin, we don’t have truth, which is the light in Jesus Christ. 

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8 ESV

Ok, back to Ashley Smith. I picked up her book to read (after having it for two years) and after finishing it, decided to Google her to see how she’s doing now. I was so happy to see that she is doing great. I’ve included a video here (part 1 and 2) of a show she was interviewed on not too long ago. I hope you will enjoy it.


For me, my sin was addiction. Yes, I had an issue with Lortab, and that was awful, but that is not the big picture. As the title of my story reflects, I was addicted to the chase…the chase to cure my migraine headaches; the chase to cure my seizures; the chase to be happy; the chase to grab my mask so no one would know how miserable I was; the chase to constantly isolate myself from family and friends because I felt such guilt when I was around them. Instead of focusing on God and what he could do, I focused on myself. On my misery; my search for a cure; my guilt. During that time, I missed an opportunity to let Christ minister to me. Thank goodness he rescued me from myself!

When I finished reading “Unlikely Angel,” and I thought about how I’d held on to my sin, I realized something important. When you make a promise to God that you will no longer give a home to your sin, and you truly have made the decision to put it behind you, the best way to stay on course is to use your experience to help others. I know blogging and writing is not the right avenue for everyone, but when we begin to help other people in similar situations, God gives us strength. When we can share with another person the covenant we’ve made with God, we will hold ourselves more accountable to it. When we can really be transparent, and realize that we are not perfect and neither is anyone else, we will find great freedom. It’s amazing to find out how common your struggle is…whatever it is. 

If you have read my story and my blogs, you know how truly happy I am. I’ve always had a heart for people, but for the seven years of my illness and “chase,” I lost my focus. I couldn’t see others very well, only myself. Now that my vision has been corrected, there is nothing more rewarding that sharing the amazing love that God has for us…and actually feeling it first hand. 

From my heart, 
Celeste

Filed Under: Living in Faith, Living with Purpose, Your Relationship with God Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,