How to Explain Sex to Your Children (1+1=1)

I chatted with someone today that prompted me to repost this blog from my old site…I realize it’s a little off my current topic, but nevertheless…

Parenting is a tricky business, and our society doesn’t make it any easier. A few months ago, driving down the road, the innocent voice of my Marlee-girl springs from nowhere, “What is sex?”

Now, I knew it was an inevitable question because I have a 17 year old as well. No matter how hard we try to postpone the dreaded conversation, kids hear the word “sex” all the time.

And yes, Church! 

Due to the casual manor in which teens regard sex, pastors are commonly preaching what God teaches us about sex in the Bible. Our pastor at Brookwood, Perry Duggar, recently commented about this in a sermon. The reason we so often hear, “everybody’s doing it, “is NOT a reason to dismiss the dangers of premarital sex. The complacent attitude of our society makes it increasingly more difficult to distinguish christians from non-christians regarding sexual promiscuity. This is unacceptable. 

God specifically tells us as christians, we should be set apart from worldly things. We are to be IN the world, but not OF the world (Deuteronomy 7:6, 2 Corinthians 6:17). He calls us to be a peculiar people (I love that word, “peculiar”). 

Okay, back to the question…”What is sex?”

Giving myself time to think, I used the old answer-a-question-with-a-question trick…”What do you think sex is?” This way, I avoided telling her something she didn’t know yet, and might not be ready for. 

She replied, “When two married people lay in bed together naked.” Then, as an afterthought said, “I don’t think I will ever want to do that.”

First, I reassured her that she should not want to do that…yet. God created us to journey through different seasons of life, and how we feel about things will change. 

Second, I gave her an analogy to help her understand why God created sex in the first place. This may sound strange at first, but if you can take the “dirty” out of sex, and think of how God originally intended it, hopefully it will make sense. 

“You know how God created mommies to have babies grow inside their tummy and then feed them from their breast right after birth?”


“This time at the beginning of a child’s life is a very important bonding time between a baby and it’s mommy. The baby has been inside his mommy’s tummy for 9 months, and now as he starts life, he has the security of his mommy created partly by the skin to skin contact he has while nursing.”


“When a man and a woman get married, God tells us that they are to become one flesh. They leave their mom and dad and leave their childhood behind (Ephesians 5:21). They are supposed to remain connected in that special way throughout their lives. They are bonded together in the promise of marriage, and that bond should never be broken.” 

[Marlee leaning forward in the back seat with ears perked up and eyes wide open!]

“So when two people get married and plan to spend the rest of their lives together, they should give themselves completely to each other. No secrets, no shame, no one else, two together, forever.” 

“Just as a baby’s life begins bonded to his mother, a man and woman leave their mother and father, and through this special bond called “sex,” begin a new life as husband and wife.”

Marlee seemed to understand and accept that answer, and I put off telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth a little while longer. 

As I instill these truths from God to all of my children, I pray that they will learn the value and importance of sex inside marriage, and the special bond created through commitment of a husband and wife for life. I pray that my children and yours choose the path God has laid out for them. Mistakes will be made, and I praise God for the merciful and forgiving God he is. He can redeem those mistakes, but mistakes often have consequences. We don’t want our children to have to learn lessons the hard way, do we? Whenever I can teach them to avoid learning lessons the hard way, I do. The bond that a husband and wife share is theirs, and theirs alone. It is an intimate connection that should hold them together, forever. 

From my heart, 

p.s. Well, I just posted this today from an old blog, and just tonight, a few hours after my post, Marlee says, “Mommy, how does sex make you have a baby?” So I guess I didn’t postpone the talk too long! It was late, though, when she asked, so I told her it’s not a quick answer, and takes a little time to explain, so she said we’d talk about it tomorrow…hmmm.

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